Am I Missing Something? Are You?

So, this is one of those blog posts that I had to check whether or not it was insulting to my husband. He doesn’t think so, which means I am sharing it with all of you.

Morpheous

Before I started solidly writing and made a decision to write every day without fail, I felt like I was missing something. Don’t get me wrong. I have a wonderful family and amazing friends – these are top quality people! I have a great job and I love nothing more than playing dress ups with my toddler and scaring Daddy when he comes home at night.

Despite this wonderful life there was a pit in my stomach. Something that hadn’t been filled with the ridiculous amount of love, smiles and laughter I got every day. Some people might think it’s selfish, and that’s okay because it is in a way. Writing is selfish. Being creative is selfish and for a long time I wasn’t alright with that. People needed my time, I had to work late, I had a baby, I had a husband, a home, and I had commitments. None of this was conducive to locking myself away and writing for no other reason then I enjoyed it.

Writing was pushed aside, manuscripts put in the bottom drawer and shuffled through as I looked for the cat’s hair brush. They stared at me, the characters in the pages begging to be finished, wanting me to give them an ending, any ending would have been better than just forgotten words shoved into a drawer.

I felt guilty. I found it hard to reconcile the writer with the person I was. How could I possibly take time away from my family to write about people that don’t matter, about things that are in my head, that will probably never be published or recognised or help anyone. What a frivolous use of my time.

Then I found my manuscript on the kitchen table. My husband had found it and dug it out. All the pages were in order and all the crinkled and crumbled bits flattened out as much as he could. I started reading and I didn’t want to stop. I didn’t even remember writing half of the words on the page. It was like someone had taken the words out of my head and printed them out, and weaved it into a pretty good story. I read it all in one sitting. It wasn’t finished but I had an explosion of ideas. I turned over a page and jotted down all of the points that were missing and what was going to happen. Especially how it was going to end.

fire

For the first time in a long time I put my pen down and exhaled. Properly. The pit in my stomach gone. Just utter contentment. It was surreal and for a moment everything was fine. Then I felt guilty. Guilty for not talking to these characters for a while and trapping them in the bottom drawer. I felt guilty too because I should have gotten other things done while I was reading.

Later, I asked why he got it out from the bottom drawer? He said because he wanted to know how it ends. So I finished it. Typing that last word on the page, I got the same feeling of contentment as I did from brainstorming. It was then I realised that only I had control of how much writing I did or not, that only I could make myself feel whole, it wasn’t up to my exceptional family and friends to fill that void. It was up to me.

As I write this blog post I realise how many people I can reach, that the words aren’t nothing, the characters will live one way or another. After reading  Man Meets World, one of my exceptional friends Fran, told me that she was waiting on my second book, because the characters are real for her. That she’s excited about ‘the wedding’ and wanted to know how several characters were doing.

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is why I continue writing.

Why do you do it? Is it because you are missing something that only writing can give you? Or is it something else?

 

Come on over and friend me on Facebook at Lisa Lancaster. 

Meme from Mememaker
Photo from Pinterest

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51 thoughts on “Am I Missing Something? Are You?

  1. Pingback: What am I Missing? | It's About the Journey

  2. Pingback: Aside #1 – Gratitude | ImpossiblyReal

  3. Love the part about selfishness. It’s something I’ve been thinking about a lot recently. I agree that writing is selfish, as with many other things.

    I’ve come to realization that I’m extremely selfish. I love people so much, but only because it makes me happy to do so. If I wasn’t so concerned about myself, I wouldn’t be caring. I’m going to write a post on this sooner or later.

    And I’m not saying that as a negative thing. I think selfishness is a great. Actually I’ll leave a quote I love below.

    “To be successful, you have to be selfish or else you never achieve.”
    — Michael Jordan

    Liked by 1 person

    • Yep you’re absolutely right. I’m learning to live with the guilt that comes with the selfishness, it’s getting easier and hopefully someday it will disappear. Just another thing to get down. I look forward to reading that post!

      Liked by 1 person

  4. This. This I love. The connection. I write on notepads – plural, all mirrors, glass wardrobe doors and kitchen splashbacks, pamphlets, newspaper margins and so on. Mostly thoughts and notes, and lots and lots of lists – but there are three characters that won’t stop talking to me and won’t give up their grip on me until I’ve written their story. I’ve tried so many times before, but this time, I’m going to do it. This time is different. Getting into that daily writing habit and making it stick.
    You are very lucky to have such a supportive husband. My lovely fiancé is just discovering what he is in for, as am I. Very excited.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I kind of wish i had mirrored wardrobe doors to write on now. You know what though, even if you write their story, characters are never happy! Sorry to say they ain’t going anywhere. I’m so lucky! Of course I don’t complain when he sits and ignores me for Call of Duty, it’s give and take lol! Good luck, to both of you!

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Good for you! Completions can be so helpful in freeing up energy & also wow – quite a sense of accomplishment 🙂 I write b/c I have so much to share on forgiving … it just keeps wanting to come out. Also, writing helps me to heal. Blessings. [Found you via Nikki at A Kinder Way]

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Good post. I didn’t find it offensive though, after some serious consideration, I can see how others might take it that way. But I didn’t see it that way.

    I write because…well…I love it. When I’m not writing (like lately) I feel guilty. What kind of writer doesn’t write? All you ever hear about are writers who grind the creative axe every day and churn out tons of writing all the time. How can I call myself a writer if I don’t do that? Then I have to step back and remind myself that everyone’s different and everyone does things differently. But I do feel some serious guilt for not finishing my goals.

    But I still love to write. Creating something new gives me such a rush. It’s exciting and I always feel so fulfilled and productive. And the days when it’s harder to do…I feel just as productive because I’ve forced myself to sit there and get something…anything written. At the end it’s all come together and I feel so pleased with myself. Of course then there’s the editing afterwards and that can be plodding but I kinda like the challenge after I get into it. Of course starting the editing is a difficult step too. 😁 Lol

    Liked by 1 person

    • I know what you mean! I don’t write over the weekend because I just don’t get a chance and I feel horrible about that. But the reality is I wouldn’t see my toddler if I locked myself away on the weekend. Oh Gosh! Editing! I always struggle to get into it, but once I’m on a roll, I get annoyed if I have to stop.

      Liked by 1 person

  7. I think it was kind of offensive but on the other hand writing is a need for me like food or sleep and you gotta do what you gotta do if you know what i mean

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Wonderful post Lisa, thanks for sharing your journey Lisa. I can resonate on a deep level, that feeling that we’re missing something if we’re not writing. It becomes a part of us and I’m so glad your husband sees that and supports you, it’s important.

    Liked by 1 person

    • My husband besides reading my work (because I like to think that’s all he lives for) he runs his business in bicycles. He can talk about wheels and chains all day long and he’s just started getting out for long rides that he hasn’t been able to since Miss 2 was born.

      Liked by 1 person

  9. “The unexamined life is not worth living,” seems so negative, so overly dramatic. So judgmental. Better for me is this: “I examine my life to find out where I am within this shell, in time and space, and how I fit into this Universe with all of you.”

    How else do we learn and grow? How else can we choose the quality of ripples that will emanate in spheres of legacy from our lives, our presence, as we think and act and bump into each other in this life we like to imagine is a line traveling THAT way in Time’s fuzzy pocket?

    I write because it is the thing I most enjoy to do, and if I don’t, how else will I remember if I figure something out?

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Awesome post, and kudos to your husband. Writing is such a huge part of us that we have to cram in around work and kids and family, that it’s no wonder we have these guilt pangs!
    😀

    Liked by 1 person

  11. It’s breathing. It’s what I always say but it’s true. I feel bad and in chains when I can’t write a feeling or a thought. I’m sorry if it’s selfish, but it’s what I need. Without the writer, there is no me. I have a feeling for you it is much the same. Self-care is important, and if you need to write, than write 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

    • I think for me it ties into a deep sadness. Writing unlocks that for me. So you are right, it is the same for me. Maybe being selfish isn’t a bad thing, if a little selfish makes me a lot happy, I think that’s a pretty good compromise. I like that – it’s breathing. That’s exactly what it is my friend.

      Liked by 1 person

  12. Why do you do it? Because I have no choice.

    Is it because you are missing something that only writing can give you? It sustains me. Keeps me sane.

    Or is it something else? Nope, just the above. 🙂

    Glad you got motivated and that your husband helped to make that happen.

    Liked by 2 people

  13. I don’t see why you thought this would be insulting to your husband. He actually helped you get back in touch with your creative side. He gave you a reason to write again, which makes him totally awesome in my book. 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

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